mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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