Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Randomize
