I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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