That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
