Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
