do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to sanitize my soul.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
