i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
