I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
