I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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