the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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