I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
