things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize