I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
