The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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