walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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