I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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