none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
