She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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