Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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