so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
