Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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