You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
