I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
