Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
