i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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