yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
