He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
