just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
