i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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