Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
