Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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