i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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