They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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