No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
