Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
