I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
