Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Found the puke drawer
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
