If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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