it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
