The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
