thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize