What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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