you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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