I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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