Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
