Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
no more duck duck goose at the bar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
