i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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