Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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