I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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