Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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