i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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