just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
