Sry I called you an 8
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
