Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
