goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Someone shit on the floor
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We had sex on a dog bed..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
