i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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