There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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