I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
