Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
