dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
