also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
