I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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