i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
