6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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