Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
