I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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