Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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