this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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