and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
