I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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