and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
