I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
