You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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