My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
