I just made out with a guy for $7.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize